Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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