What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
