I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
