Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Randomize
