Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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