so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
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