Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I can't trust your balls anymore.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
