Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
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