She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
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