i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
