wanna go halves on a baby?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
You left your phone here
Wait...
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