Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
