I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'm getting married
To pizza
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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