Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
