Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
