There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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