dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize