And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Randomize