I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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