Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
