He uses pillows to masturbate.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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