he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize