And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
