We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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