Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
My vagina is officially offended.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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