its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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