just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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