how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize