So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
