how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
