I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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