I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Randomize
