Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
