i jhust puked up my retainher.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
