i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
