Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
