What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize