If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
