there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Everclear isn't food dammit
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
