omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
