My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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