Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
