you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
