I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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