Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
