Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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