you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
