Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
