I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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