I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
