There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
you traded sex for a burrito?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
