Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
