It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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