wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
