I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
her vagine was all disorganized.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
