She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
