Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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