It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
