Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
