I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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