i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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