Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
