I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
