Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
now i know why i became what i already was.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Randomize
