Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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