Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
