Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
