My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
