She is in my trunk
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
