if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
