I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
