i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
