I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
