I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
