I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
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