Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
